Youth Pastor

These two words changed the course of my life. I heard these words in my head just before my 14th birthday. Up to this point the combined effects of narcissism plus evangelical Christianity had me on a path that would have seen me fail to make it through high school. The complete lack of any personal growth or change (due to the fact that believing stuff really hard and using the "sorry Jesus" mantra fixes everything) would have seen me become a stereotypical Christian.

That's not a good thing. Not at all. Virtually every Christian uses the teachings of Christ as shackles on behaviour. External limiter. Underneath the undeveloped mudball animal becomes caged, bitter, angry. Add the self inflicted damage caused by purity culture and, well, you do the math. Or look at the examples.

It's not the Rainbow 🌈 Brigade that's harming children. It's conservative evangelicals. Catholic priests.

Every single one has used the teachings of Christ as shackles. Every single one is broken as a result, predating to satisfy the animal they never tamed. The animal they inflamed in the presence of the teachings of Christ.

The sheer number of youth pastors being charged is appalling. These people dedicated their lives to helping youth. They might have even believed it. What an abuse of power. What an abdication of responsibility. The thought that I was aiming for this profession at one point was all manner of cringe to me.

I used the teachings of Christ to make it easier to attain Christly behaviours. Love your neighbour, turn the other cheek, that sort of thing. I located triggers and weaknesses within that threatened to cause contrary behaviours and took responsibility for it. Which honed my objectivity which when turned on the religion exposed the 🐂💩 and off I went to being practically atheist for awhile.

Just yesterday I considered what I would likely have become if I had used youth pastor to merely tighten the Christian shackles. I would have become a predator too. I already was by the age of 13. Nasty, vicious, angry, hiding behind a Christian veneer.

Because that's always what happens when you mix narcissism with extreme religious belief. 

And the penny dropped.

I was supposed to be a predator. A weak one, opportunistic, pathetic.

To support all the God damned lies about God.

I no longer appear to fit the roll assigned to me from birth, because I used the teachings of Christ as they are supposed to be used.

I look forward to tearing down all such lies, starting with the lies told about me.

Have a nice day.

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