Wasted Potential

There was a period in my life of 20 years, almost to the day, where my efforts had a positive effect on my life. From March 1983 through April 2003. 

I took responsibility for myself overcoming narcissism. I taught myself bass, became proficient, began writing music in 2002. A degree in chemical engineering. A career in IT. World traveller. A Christ.

There were about 3 years detrimental to me in there. Clinical depression, what I now see as an assassination attempt and related things took two years. Nearly killed me. Another year lost to lesser things. But for the most part that 20 years was attaining a potential I had no idea I was capable of attaining.

Everything outside those 20 years has been me dealing with attempts to control and manipulate my life to my detriment. Deliberate ruination. Wasted potential. All of it done in such a way as to appear to be my doing or just stuff that happens.

Narcissism makes you small. As a kid/teen I couldn't imagine actualizing so much potential. I had no idea I had it in me.

That 20 years was allowed to me so that there would be something to be able to take away from me.

I'm reasonably certain I've only scratched the surface of my potential. My life was ruined so that I would never attain it and what I had attained would be stolen from me.

I am choking on the injustice. It is total. Absolute. My life was made deliberately impossible. When that didn't work out it was made more impossible. I was forced to exist in a living hell. Just for the crime of existing.

My species has betrayed everything of value to orchestrate the ruination of my life. Unforgivable compounding crimes committed against my life. There can be no greater crime against a person than to rob them of their potential and accomplishments multiple times and subject them to decades of psychological warfare.

That's just me as a person. They stole my life from me, but in doing so they stole a Christ from the world. What could I have been? What could I have accomplished? How many people could I have helped?

How many criminals could I have stopped?

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